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When our ancestors looked to the skies at night,
the stars were Gods
always watching over us but not always visible
until we looked for them.
Some twinkling
some bright
some dim,
but there were always thousands
millions
billions looking down on us.
We saw the future in the skies,
words of wisdom from the Gods themselves.
In the now, we look at the same skies as our ancestors did
and we scoff at their preposterousness.
‘These are not Gods,’ we say,
‘but they are stars millions upon billions of miles away.’
We see that here on Earth we rotate on an axis
revolve around the Sun,
our Sun with eight planets and a demoted dwarf planet,
our Solar System revolving around the Milky Way Galaxy,
our galaxy in a cluster of other galaxies,
all a part of our universe
and we’re still not done
with figuring out what all of this means or how it all came to pass.
We use numbers and calculations to estimate stellar distances and speeds,
and we are so concerned with
trying to find a planet much like our own
so we may expand
and colonise
and harness the powers of the universe
but we fail to take a look at what we do here
in the now.
We scoff at our ancestors,
but we use numbers and equations as a way to prove things about the universe.
Perhaps
we are not unlike our ancestors.
Perhaps the numbers we look to for answers
are the same Gods they looked to.
Numbers are our Gods now.
Is this such an impossible thing?
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Twelve recruited novices Eleven synchronised viewpoints Ten of Sixteen’s puzzles Nine bloodied feathers Eight singing minstrels Seven conspiring Templars Six swimming lessons Five Borgia flags Four courtesans Three dead brothers Two Pieces of Eden And a Templar conspiracy to annihilate us all!
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So, we all know that 2012 is going to be upon us in about a year and a half. With this gap slowly closing, day by day, everyone has their theories about what the hell is gonna happen when 21 December, 2012 occurs.
Some think it’ll bring the Apocalypse and the second coming of Jesus Christ Himself.
Others think the earth’s crust will shift violently, causing major earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, gigantic floods, and a switching of the magnetic poles.
Still others think that it will bring about not a cataclysmic event, but a shift in the human consciousness that could bring about enlightenment if harnessed correctly.
And many other theories of the Zombie uprising, technological advancement, and what other crackpot ideas come out of the media today.
Well, I think it’s a combination of all of these. I think that the magnetic poles will switch, causing a kind of enlightenment in some individuals (there’s been a study that shows that if a magnet is placed on the right place on the head, a sense of not being alone - “the divine surrounding you” - occurs. This means that some super religious folks may think this to be Jesus…y’know, if that happens), that will bring about a technological revolution that will change our lives forever.
The Mayans never said it’d be the end of the human race, just the end of time as we know it. Well, the time “as we know it” doesn’t necessarily mean that everything will be destroyed and we’ll all be puddles all melded together as one big…happy…mixture of vaporised…particles. I believe this to mean that time “as we know it” will cease to exist and bring in a new time.
So, like I said, I believe all the theories I previously stated will happen.
BUT CHRISTY YOU SAID ZOMBIES WILL HAPPEN AND YOU DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING IN YOUR EXPLANATION AT ALL AND HOW WILL ZOMBIES COME TO BE AND HOW CAN WE GET RID OF THEM TELL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Don’t worry. An explanation will follow shortly. But first, I’ll tell you a short little tale.
A Biology Lesson For You
We all know that zombies are created by a virus, yes? A brain-eating virus. Infections usually start at some kind of source, starting with a “Patient Zero,” so to speak. And once infected, a person can easily spread a virus. Usually a mistake happens for a virus to spread, like not cooking food all the way or sleeping with a prostitute
The Night of 2 June, 2003
A human girl and a vampire lay in a field. The girl and the vampire are madly in love with each other. The vampire wants to drink of her lifeblood, but can’t bring himself to do it because of his love for her.
Immediately written up by the dreamer of this dream, this scene later becomes chapter 13 of the New York Times Bestseller Twilight, released in 2005. The publisher of Stephanie Meyer’s 3-month-quick-write novel offered her a three-book contract worth $750,000 after reading only half of the manuscript, knowing that it would be a bestseller and a huge hit with the teenyboppers of this generation.
And, boy, did it hit hard.
Critics raved about it, saying it was a “dramatic tale of sexual tension and isolation,” or something like that. Now, we all know how I feel about Twilight and everything about it, so I’m not gonna talk about it.
BUT THEN WHY ARE YOU TELLING US THIS IF YOU’RE NOT EVEN GONNA BRING IT INTO THE 2012 PREDICTION WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…
Because it’s not about Twilight itself.
IT’S ABOUT THE FANS.
According to the Wikipedia article on the Twilight series, The Times writes, “…[Twilight] spread through the adolescent population like a virus and transmogrified into a publishing phenomenon…” Wait, back up.
“…spread through the adolescent population like a virus…”
“…adolescent population like a virus…”
“…LIKE A GODDAMN VIRUS…”
I can’t bold, italicise, enlargen, or capitalise that enough.
Even back when the book first came out, we had people prophesying what would happen in the near future. Now, I know that it had a bit of a slippery slope to climb when it first came out, but after a while a lot of 12-year-old girls definitely got their hands on it and ate it up. A lot of people thought that the inexperienced Meyer was a writing genius - to put into today’s terms, it was the Avatar of teen fiction novels. This is in that it became a smash hit that had many fans and raked in a lot of money, but there were still those who were immune to its charms. (By the way, I didn’t like Avatar, either.)
Movie producers realised that they could hop on the money train, too, by making a film adaptation of the book. And as we all know, they need to cast actors to make a movie. Who did they cast for the beloved Edward Cullen? Robert Pattinson.
Cedric. Diggory.
Let’s bring in Harry Potter for a moment. Anyone who’s a fan knows that anyone in Hufflepuff is automatically irrelevant. Cedric Diggory was among the most popular of the Hufflepuffs, making him a bit better than the rest, but still mostly irrelevant. His character’s death was only for plot development, which is kind of a fail. For the filmmakers of Twilight to cast the dead, popular, failure-of-a-Hufflepuff as the dead, sparkling, failure-of-a-vampire? They definitely made a mistake.
BUT CHRISTY IT WAS A HIT DON’T YOU REMEMBERRRRRRRRRR?
Oh yes, I remember.
Pretty soon, the Twilight Virus had spread to the hallways of high schools - the books, t-shirts, bags, buttons…you name it, Twilight was on it. And everyone had - and still has - a side in the Twilight war. You’re either with it or against it. Twilight or Harry Potter. Team Jacob or Team Edward. Autobots or Decepticons.
Because of this phenomenon that nearly all teenage girls were in love with, some of the more severe cases of obsession bled into their everyday lives. As if dating during the ages of 14-18 wasn’t awkward enough, those affected girls who did happen to have boyfriends were particularly vulnerable. An exact quote from the somewhat popular Twilight website, mylifeistwilight.com, from username Pickle, “Today, my ex-boyfriend threw my Twilight book across the room. He was still my boyfriend before that. MLIT” This behaviour demonstrates that the Twilight Virus can turn a loving, caring, wonderful and long-lasting relationship into a complete disaster in seconds. The virus had spread too much in Pickle, causing her to lose her mind when her then-boyfriend had tried to help rid her of the disease.
Another quote from the same site, username mrs. pattinson states, “Today, I was half naked and getting dressed when my Edward cutout (which I bought on one of my frequent trips to Forks) fell on top of me. Instead of pushing it off, I exclaimed, ‘Oh Edward! Not this early!’ Then my mother walked in and took him out of my room saying, ‘its for my own good.’ MLIT.” It was a good idea for her mother to take away what she could to prevent the virus from infecting her daughter any further, but it was too little too late. Once the seed has been planted, there’s almost no stopping it. The fact that she had been to Forks, the town that the story is based in, multiple times, just accelerated the incubation time from turning a normal teenage girl into a mindless follower of a manipulative vixen, one Stephanie Meyer.
And then, the teen-only virus mutated into a more powerful disease that affected the female 35-and-older crowd and spawned a whole new breed of obsessors: Twimoms. OH GOD, THE TWIMOMS. It’s wrong when a 47-year-old man is fantasising about a 17-year-old girl. Why would it suddenly be alright for a 47-year-old woman to fantasise about a 17-year-old boy? THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS, GUYS.
SO WAIT YOU’RE SAYING THAT TWILIGHT FANS ARE ZOMBIESSSSSSSSSSSSS?
That is my point exactly.
BUT CHRISTY WHAT DO WE DO TO STOP THE VIRUS FROM SPREADING AND HOW DO WE STOP THE APOCALYPSE IN 2012 FROM HAPPENINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG?
Well, I don’t know. I don’t think we can stop it. It’s like technology.
Um.
Well.
Actually…there’s no correlation at all. Sorry. I don’t have an analogy. I guess the best thing to do is to wait it out for another year or so.
Or move to Option B.
KILL ‘EM DEAD.
I don’t know about you guys, but I’m kind of up for Option B. Because sometimes the back-up plan is so much better than the originals that you kind of want everything else to fail.
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Talking to fuckyacoolstorybro at school today:
Her: What’cha doing?
Me: Talking to my friend in Russia.
Her: About what?
Me: We’re both complaining about what’s wrong with our respective countries.
Her: Like what?
Me: Well, I’m talking about how post-secondary school is so expensive, how healthcare sucks and then politics. I dunno what she’s gonna complain about yet, though. We only just started with this.
Her: See, if that was me, I would have just been like, “…I like corn.”
Me: /dying/ Actually, earlier we were talking about what we knew of each other’s countries. She was like “Everything I know about America I learned from MTV and American movies.”
Her: What’d you say about Russia?
Me: I was like, “…Um. Siberia’s cold.”
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All the characters can somehow be paired with any other character.
AltairxMalik? YOU GOT IT.
LucyxRebecca? OF COURSE.
EzioxLeo? PRETTY MUCH CANON ANYWAY.
ShaunxDesmond? IT’S ONLY OBVIOUS.
La VolpexMachiavelli? THANK YOU, AC!TUMBLR.
AltairxEzio? NOT INCEST IF THEY’RE SEPARATED BY 300 YEARS.
MalikxDesmond? OTP FOREVER.
RobertxVidic? CHECK.
CesarexSibrand? NO PROBLEM.
ShaunxSubject 16? PLAUSIBLE.
Al MualimxRosa? TOGETHER FOREVER.
MarioxDesmond? MEANT TO BE.
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One jump ahead of the Templars
One leap into the hay
I kill only targets I’m assigned
That’s everyone!
One jump ahead of the guards
That’s all, and that’s no joke
These guys don’t appreciate I’m broke
Assassin! Murderer! Assassin! Take that!
Just a little info!
Chase him down and make him pay, guards!
I can take a hint, gotta hide my ass…
You’re my only friend, Malik!
Huh?
Oh it’s sad, Altair’s such a novice
He’s become a a one-man rise in crime
I’d blame parents except he hasn’t got ‘em
Gotta kill to rank, gotta pickpocket to kill,
Tell you all about it when I’m not being chased!
One jump over the rooftops
One skip ahead of target
Next time gonna use a leap of faith
One jump ahead of the beggars
One counter ahead of the guards
I think I’ll take a stroll with the scholars
Stop, assassin! The flying eagle! Bird of Prey!
Let’s do a leap of faith
For an assassin, he’s rather tasty
Gotta kill to live, gotta hide to eat
Otherwise we’d get along
Wrong!
One jump ahead of the target
(Assassin!)
One roof ahead of the pack
(Murderer!)
One leap off of a building
(Assassin!)
They’re quick, but I’m much faster
(Take that!)
Here goes, better sink my blade in
Wish me happy landin’
All I gotta do is jump!
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I’m stuck so far, but I know where I want this to go. It’s just getting there that’s the hard part.
This is an excerpt from the fanfic I’m writing. It’s AltMal, so if you:
Feel free to just skip over this. If you have any suggestions for what I could maybe do, go ahead and tell me. Under a “Read More” to avoid stretching your dash too much. :D
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